Dear Closest Friends,

When I get all bitchy and moody and sulky with you over the stupidest or smallest or most insignificant of things, it’s not actually you or the silly things that have pissed me off. I just take all my strops and moodiness out on you because I am not afraid of losing you, or hurting your feelings, because I have enough faith in our friendship to know that you can take my shitty moods, wheras if I take it out on the people who have actually annoyed/angered/upset me, everything will kick off and I really don’t want to exacerbate things with those people because it will make life too complicated/difficult. So I apologise in advance for when I do this, I know it’s not ideal, but please try to understand it’s not personal, and that actually the reason I do it to you is because you mean more to me than anyone else, bizarre as it sounds.

Okay, thanks. Sorry.

Have you ever had to have complete blind faith in someone? It’s not easy. Especially when everyone around you, even people who don’t know that person, think you’re an idiot for doing so. They’re all convinced that you’ll eventually get screwed over by this person. Everyone’s sure that they’re right, and they’re backed up and reassured by the fact that they’re not alone, there’s so many people thinking the same thing, telling you the same thing. You have to battle against their thoughts and opinions and points and reasons why you shouldn’t have faith in this person every day and explain yourself to them every day and stick up for this person every day. You work really hard for this person, constantly reaffirming your faith in them, reeling out reasons why, despite everything everyone else is saying, you trust this person.  It’s really draining. Eventually you get sick of swimming against the current. You want to give in, lay down, stop swimming. There’s the moments where you’ve heard the doubt so many times that you almost give into it, you want to believe it, because it would be easier to just stop fighting.

But you musn’t. You have to keep reminding yourself of the passion you once had for the trust you have for that person. There’s a bloody good reason you’ve fought so hard for them every day, and you can’t just bail on them now. You have to stick to your guns. Even if it wears you down, because, in the end, it will be worth it. That person will come through for you, that person will shine through. They will show the world why they were wrong, and make you see why you believed in them so much. It will be one of the best moments of your life and you will have the biggest smile on your face, just to know and see that all your efforts weren’t for nothing. You fought hard for your trust and it was completely worth it. And you know what? I can guarantee you that one of the main reasons that person came through for you was because you believed they would, and they really, really needed someone to just believe, to trust that they would be the person you kept telling everyone they are, and to have faith in their word and their actions. The fact that you stood by that person through thick and thin brought them out of whatever rutt they were stuck in and they will be forever gratefull that even through the hardest of times, when you could have so easily turned your back on them and made your life easier, you still stood by them.

And that’s friendship.